Here are some Halloween Jokes we have collected for you to tell and share. Enjoy!
Have you seen Quasimodo?
I have a hunch he’s back!

How can you tell that a vampire likes baseball?
He turns into a bat every night.

How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.

How do you fix a jack-o-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch.

How does a girl vampire flirt?
She bats her eyes.

What did mama cannibal said to baby cannibal when he told her that he really liked his grandfather?
“Would you like another piece?”

What did the cannibal do when he saw an “All you can eat” restaurant?
He had two waiters and a busboy.

What did the french fries dress up as for Halloween?
Masked potatoes.

What did the little ghost have in his rock collection?
Tombstones.

What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
“Don’t spook until you’re spooken to.”

What did the skeleton say to the bartender?
I’d like a beer and a mop!

What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley?
I’m bone to be wild.

What do ghosts and goblins drink on Halloween?
Ghoul-aid.

What do ghosts put on top of an ice cream sundae?
Whipped scream.

What do ghosts serve for dessert?
I Scream.

What do little ghosts drink?
Evaporated milk.

What do sea monsters eat for lunch?
Fish and ships.

What do witches put on their hair?
Scare spray.

What do you call a little monster’s parents?
Mummy and deady.

What do you call a monster with no neck?
The Lost Neck Monster.

What do you call a roomful of ghosts?
A bunch of boo-boos.

What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A sand witch.

What do you call dead cows that come back to life?
Zombeef.

What do you do with a green monster?
Wait until it ripens.

What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon.
A sour-puss.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.

What do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its radius?
Pumpkin pi.

What do you give a skeleton for Valentine’s Day?
Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.

What does a skeleton orders at a restaurant?
Spare ribs.

What game do ghost like to play?
Peek-a-Boo.

What goes “Ha-ha-ha . . . THUD!”
A monster laughing his head off

What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
He is mist.

What happens when a ghost haunts a theater?
The actors get stage fright.

What instrument do skeletons play?
Trom-BONE.

What is a cannibal’s favorite type of TV show?
A celebrity roast.

What is a ghost’s favorite desert?
Iced Screams.

What is a ghost’s favorite oatmeal?
SCREAM of Wheat.

What is a vampire’s favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving.

What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?
Spelling.

What is as sharp as a vampires fang?
His other fang.

What is Beethoven doing in his coffin right now?
Decomposing.

What is Dracula’s favorite kind of dog?
A blood hound.

What is the tallest building in Transylvania?
The Vampire State Building.

What kind of key opens a casket?
A skeleton key.

Memorial Day is a federal day holiday in the United States of America and it is celebrated today May 31, 2010.
Below are some of the most memorable and most shared Memorial Day quotes:
The brave die never, though they sleep in dust,

Their courage nerves a thousand living men.

Minot J. Savage

And I am proud to be an American,

Where at least I know I am free.

And I won’t forget the men, who died,

Who gave that right to me.

Lee Greenwood

On thy grave the rain shall fall from the eyes of a mighty nation.

Thomas William Parsons

The dead soldier’s silence sings our national anthem.

Aaron Kilbourn

Who kept the faith and fought the fight; The glory theirs, the duty ours.

Wallace Bruce.

Bayou Country Superfest organizers expect at least 80,000 people from across the United States and Europe to file into LSU Tiger Stadium Memorial Day weekend and the following is a list of parking and road closure information for this weekend’s event:

* All advanced parking for the Bayou Country Superfest has been sold out.
* Parking will be available on a first-come, first-served basis in the following lots:
Lot O (Nicholson Drive and West Chimes Street – $20
Lot K (Skip Bertman Drive near Nicholson Drive – $20
Alex Box West Lot (Gourrier Lane) – $10
Alex Box East Lot (Gourrier Lane) – $15
* All parking in the first-come, first-served lots will be CASH only.
Vehicle parking lots will be open on event days beginning at 8 a.m. There will be no overnight parking allowed in the vehicle parking lots. Any vehicles left overnight may be towed.

ADA parking spaces will be available in Lot K for $20. Shuttle transportation from Lot K to the stadium will be available for ADA festivalgoers.

In addition, North Stadium Drive and South Stadium Drive will be closed to vehicular traffic starting at 7 a.m. each day. Parking lots surrounding Tiger Stadium will be restricted to advance sale permitted vehicles only. Those vehicles without permits will be directed to public parking once they reach these restricted areas.

For more parking and other event information please visit here

Preparations continue for the two-day concert in Tiger Stadium

Coopers Beach Southampton New York: The golden white sands and clear blue water on Coopers Beach in Southampton, New York has made it one of the best beaches in America for the year 2010. Coopers Beach won the title of the Best Beach in USA on the basis of a beach survey done all over America.

Here is the list of top 10 beaches for 2010 from Stephen P. Leatherman, director of Florida International University’s Laboratory for Coastal Research, also known as Dr. Beach. He has compiled the list annually since 1991 using 50 criteria, including water quality and temperature, cleanliness, weather, sand, safety and facilities.

1. Coopers Beach, Southampton, N.Y.

2. Siesta Beach, Sarasota, Fla.

3. Coronado Beach, San Diego.

4. Cape Hatteras, Outer Banks, N.C.

5. Main Beach, East Hampton, N.Y.

6. Kahanamoku Beach, Waikiki, Honolulu.

7. Coast Guard Beach, Cape Cod, Mass.

8. Beachwalker Park, Kiawah Island, S.C.

9. Hamoa Beach, Maui, Hawaii.

10. Cape Florida State Park, Key Biscayne, Fla.

Religious Mother’s Day Quotes for Mother’s Day Celebration — Today is Mother’s Day and every mother on the world deserves to be greeted a Happy Mother’s Day. Today is a very special day for we recognize every endeavors of mothers, how great is their role at home, and the greatness of their motherhood.

For those who are searching for some religious quotes in regard to Mother’s Day celebration, you have the right place. Below are some religious Mother’s Day quotes.

Prov 10:1 – The proverbs of Solomon: A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son grief to his mother.

Isa 66:13 – As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem.”

Ezek 16:44 – “Everyone who quotes proverbs will quote this proverb about you: “Like mother, like daughter.”

Luke 1:43 – But why am I so favored, that the mother of my Lord should come to me?

Luke 2:51 – Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart.

John 19:26-27 – When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, “Dear woman, here is your son,” and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.

Mere Happiness Is Not the Song I’m Singing
Nicholas Gordon

Mere happiness is not the song I’m singing:
Of mothers’ joy a jagged piece is pain.
To love is to be amply burdened, bringing
Hearts with gifts to an uncharted plain.
Even so, one longs to be a mother,
Remembering a richness unreserved
‘Ere one could barely recognize another,
Sustained by love unsought and undeserved.
Deeper than oneself is one’s communion,
A revelation reached alone by union
Yet yearned for, though through years of love well served.

I LOVE YOU MOM!

Mom’s smiles can brighten any moment,
Mom’s hugs put joy in all our days,
Mom’s love will stay with us forever
and touch our lives in precious ways…

The values you’ve taught,
the care you’ve given,
and the wonderful love you’ve shown,
have enriched my life
in more ways than I can count.

I Love you Mom!
We’re daughters and mothers
Not so long ago.
We give and take
And take and give
Along time’s endless row.
Love is passed
And love received
To be passed on again:
A precious heirloom
Twice, twice blessed,
A spiritual cardigan.

I’ll put it on
And treasure it,
The me I have received,
And when the roles
Reverse again,
I’ll have what I most need.

So may our love
Go on and on,
A hundred thousand years;
Mothers and daughters,
Daughters and mothers,
Through joys and other tears.

A Mother’s Love
by DisturbedMind

A mother’s love
Is always true
It’s all you need
To get you through

A mother’s love
Can seem like hate
She’s only tough
To keep you safe

A mother’s love
Is always there
In simple ways
She’ll show she cares

A mother’s love
Can never compare
With anyone else’s
Anywhere

A mother’s love
Is here to stay
I love you, mom
Happy Mother’s Day!

For more Mothers Day poems – Poems.md

Luther King Day Jan 18 2010? No, Post Office would be closed on Martin Luther King Day as its a federal holiday and all postal services fall under federal government, which no mail will be delivered on Martin Luther King Day. If you have anything urgent to be sent out, why not use a Nextiva Fax Service, they are offering 500 Free Fax Pages per month.

Are banks open on Martin Luther King day 2010
January 18th, 2010 marks the federal holiday, Martin Luther King day. On this day many public offices are closed such as the post office, colleges, schools and some businesses. Most if not all state and county offices are shut down. So you probably won’t be able to visit the DMV or any district justice offices today. Many people are still wondering if they will be able to do their banking still, begging the important question “are banks open on Martin Luther King day 2010?”

Today’s MLK holiday celebrates the birthdate of Martin Luther King, Jr., the prominent civil rights activist. It’s a day of remembering and paying tribute to Dr. King for his achievements in working to eliminate racism, prejudice and segregation in the United States. It’s honored by all 50 states, which close down important public offices for the federal holiday.

So, the answer is no to the question, “are banks are open on Martin Luther King day 2010?” You can still do your internet banking online 24/7 if you choose to or visit ATM’s, but you won’t be able to go inside a bank to do transactions in person today.

“Crooked Houses,” as they’re called, are really just playhouses for kids, but they’ve gained some attention after being featured on shows like Jon & Kate Plus 8 and Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. According to the website KidsCrookedHouse.com, the structures are award-winning wooden playhouses that parents can custom design to suit their children’s needs.

Kids Crooked Houses are designed to be more fun than the average playhouse parents buy for their kids because they’re brightly-colored and “crooked” — meaning they look more like the houses you’d see in a Dr. Seuss book than in the suburbs. Prices of the crooked houses range from $1,249 to $4,449 for those “double deluxe” houses.

For a more wallet-friendly gift, the same company makes “slims,” or graphic removable wall stickers that add pizzazz to your child’s room.

In honor of Veterans Day 2009, here’s a list of 25 quotes to live by:

1. We make war that we may live in peace. -Aristotle

2. Nobody ever drowned in sweat. -US Marines

3. Those who cannot bravely face danger are the slaves of their attackers. -Aristotle

4. More powerful than the will to win is the courage to begin. -Unknown

5. Neither a wise man nor a brave man lies down on the tracks of history to wait for the train of the future to run over him. -Dwight D. Eisenhower

6. Many become brave when brought to bay. -Norwegian proverb

7. Courage is fear holding on a minute longer. -George S. Patton

8. It is easy to take liberty for granted, when you have never had it taken from you. -Unknown

9. Either war is obsolete or men are. -Buckminster Fuller

10. There never was a good war or a bad peace. -Benjamin Franklin

11. Unless one says goodbye to what one loves, and unless one travels to completely new territories, one can expect merely a long wearing away of oneself. -Jean Dubuffet

12. This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave. -Elmer Davis

13. Freedom is never free. -Author Unknown

14. Valor is stability, not of legs and arms, but of courage and the soul. -Michel de Montaigne

15. The more we sweat in peace the less we bleed in war. -Vijaya Lakshmi Pandit

16. In the beginning of a change, the patriot is a scarce man, and brave, and hated and scorned. When his cause succeeds, the timid join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot. -Mark Twain

17. Peace is not only better than war, but infinitely more arduous. -George Bernard Shaw

18. It is not only the living who are killed in war. -Isaac Asimov

19. Life is 10 percent what you make it and 90 percent how you take it. -Irving Berlin

20. History teaches that war begins when governments believe the price of aggression is cheap. -Ronald Reagan

21. Soldiers generally win battles; generals get credit for them. -Napoleon Bonaparte

22. “Where there are too many policemen, there is no liberty. Where there are too many soldiers, there is no peace. Where there are too many lawyers, there is no justice.” -Lyn Yutang

23. Moral courage is the most valuable and usually the most absent characteristic in men. -George Patton

24. I think there is one higher office than president and I would call that patriot. -Gary Hart

25. Have the courage to act instead of react. -Earlene Larson Jenks

Here are my favorites! I encourage you to think outside of the Halloween Candy Bag and find the fun in the accessories. The quotes, the movies, the costume, the laughter, the joy and the spookiness of it all!

“I’ll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.” ~ Anonymous

“Eat, drink and be scary.” ~ Anonymous

“A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.” ~ Erma Bombeck

“Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.” ~ Lindsay Lohan, Mean Girls

“On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.” ~ Rodney Dangerfield

“There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.” ~ George Carlin